On the side, an embarrassed writer doing the brush dance.

I have reduced my posts and tweets during the last weeks. Learning myself to write and illustrate have almost taken all my time. Heffanutt and The ant king seem to have opinions on their own, as weird as it sounds. I`m a bit embarrassed admitting that.  Ha, ha.

Another a bit embarrassing but fun thing is that I found myself dancing in the living room the other day. Heffanutt has this brush dance, a dance that he does when brushing his fur every morning. I had to make sure it really worked out, and that it is possible to do it to music someday. It would have been fun if I could actually see him dance one day, but that is a dream.  I`m happy that I was alone while dancing, it probably looked pretty weird, ha, ha.  Is it normal that writers test out some of the things their characters doo to see if they really work?? Or is it just me? I had so much fun though.

I`m hanging on the best I can. I really have to step up my planning to make room for all and living my life too. I have to admit I`m a bit unstructured. Seems like I`m forced to learn now, which is probably good.

How do you manage your blog(s) and time for yourself?

I tried to take a break, but when I stopped writing and drawing, my brain started to produce one idea after another instead. I ended up coming from a hike with a notebook filled with notes. Maybe it`s a beginners “problem” and my ideas will reduce themselves as the time goes by and I use them.  I guess I have to stop this post now because sometimes I can go on and on writing about nothing and everything and I don`t think you would like to read a “thousand page” long post.  Bye for now

-Bird

 

 

 

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On the side, mostly nauseous

Page after page written. Some days words come rushing in and I can`t stop it, other days I really have to struggle.  But one thing is almost constant, I`m feeling slightly nauseous.

Why? I mean the only one who put pressure on me is myself. In the end, “no one else” but I will probably read anyway – I`m not pessimistic here, I`m thinking of how little my blog is compared to the enormous amounts of blogs out there. Delivering something good or bad isn`t the end of the world either way.

I do this to learn, and being totally open with it, but still, I have this urge to be a writer and illustrator at first try – a utopia. I`m asking me to do things that are impossible because I know I lack the skills for the moment.

Sometimes I feel like Jekyll and Hyde, one realistic, totally relaxed, one with crazy expectations and equally disappointed of the work that I produce. I see the picture in my head, but my hand can`t produce it. I have a story in my head, well written, engaging and easy to read. But, when I write the words, they seem to come out wrong and when I read it doesn’t sound the way I like.

I`m realizing the deadline I set for myself is too short, I can`t produce my drawings fast enough – I must have thought that I was a machine working 24/7. I rather draw them as I want to than rush it and publish unfinished work.

It`s one very positive thing happening though, the number of English words that I know is slowly increasing.

I still write word by word, draw drawing by drawing, something ok, something bad, something better.

I wonder if there`s any hair left on my head after this and if I need a year`s vacation or so.

-Bird