On the side, mostly nauseous

Page after page written. Some days words come rushing in and I can`t stop it, other days I really have to struggle.  But one thing is almost constant, I`m feeling slightly nauseous.

Why? I mean the only one who put pressure on me is myself. In the end, “no one else” but I will probably read anyway – I`m not pessimistic here, I`m thinking of how little my blog is compared to the enormous amounts of blogs out there. Delivering something good or bad isn`t the end of the world either way.

I do this to learn, and being totally open with it, but still, I have this urge to be a writer and illustrator at first try – a utopia. I`m asking me to do things that are impossible because I know I lack the skills for the moment.

Sometimes I feel like Jekyll and Hyde, one realistic, totally relaxed, one with crazy expectations and equally disappointed of the work that I produce. I see the picture in my head, but my hand can`t produce it. I have a story in my head, well written, engaging and easy to read. But, when I write the words, they seem to come out wrong and when I read it doesn’t sound the way I like.

I`m realizing the deadline I set for myself is too short, I can`t produce my drawings fast enough – I must have thought that I was a machine working 24/7. I rather draw them as I want to than rush it and publish unfinished work.

It`s one very positive thing happening though, the number of English words that I know is slowly increasing.

I still write word by word, draw drawing by drawing, something ok, something bad, something better.

I wonder if there`s any hair left on my head after this and if I need a year`s vacation or so.










2 thoughts on “On the side, mostly nauseous

  1. Hey, keep working at it. I hope you don’t get discouraged. If you love it, it’s worth it. Feel free to go through my archives to see how much work goes into getting better or check out my Instagram @Nguyeningit.

    Sometimes, it’s just about getting it out there. Every day is a chance to learn! I hope your journey is a great one!


    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. I`m not giving up – at least not yet. I`m close to the end of the story, can`t stop now

      I`m sharing my thoughts and feelings during this challenge I set for myself. I want to encourage others to do what they love and aim for their dreams, whether is drawing or something else. Maybe it didn`t come out as clear as I wanted to. Sometimes it may be scary or maybe you feel you`re not good enough. Just as you wrote, keep on working at it and never give up.


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